I rail against the use of the R-word (RETARDED) all of the time. I’ve done it here, here, and here on this blog alone, but I’ve been against the use of that word for as long as I can remember. When I was in high school, I wrote an article for the school newspaper detailing why I hated that word and why you shouldn’t say it, and gave a little bit of my own background in my attempt to form a persuasive argument. However, there is one thing I learned in my 11 years at Catholic high school, and that is that Catholic girls are mean, so from the moment of publication, every time I entered a classroom, gym, or cafeteria at good old Bishop Watterson High School, a certain group of girls whose faces I will never forget screamed “retard” and giggled as the sun glinted off their braces and 80s hairspray. I think, even back then, I didn’t care what anyone thought about me, but it broke my heart when I thought of Alyne, because those girls were making fun of my sister, who couldn’t stand up for herself and would never be able to do so.
Most of us that hate that word happen to love someone who suffers from some sort of affliction associated with that word. When I say something to someone who uses that word, I inevitably hear the following:
• “There’s nothing wrong with that word. It is just part of American vocabulary nowadays” (no, it really isn’t, neither is “faggot” or “spic” or “nigger”)
• “I have a cousin/sister-in-law/uncle that is retarded, so I can say what I want” (really, no, you can’t. I dare you to say it in front of their mothers, your ears will catch on fire before they’re done screaming at you)
• “Lighten up! It is just a word” (no, it isn’t, you’re using it as a slur, and once it becomes a slur it is full of hurt.)
I hear that word everywhere I go. I’ve heard it from my best friend, my former boss, my daughter’s friends, those friends’ parents. I’ve heard my daughter say it. More often than anything, I hear it at work, where I’m surrounded by kids in their early twenties, who are full of hope and promise and grain alcohol. They don’t mean to be cruel, I’m sure, but each of these people becomes defensive when you say something to them regarding the use of the word (see above.) Look. It’s offensive. Stop it.
I’ve been thinking about the Catholic school incident (which wasn’t really an incident, as it went on for two years so it became more of a lifestyle) lately because of Facebook. Although I’m not Facebook friends with any of those girls, I am friends with people who are, and they show up from time to time in my “people you may know” feed. They have profile photos posted of their healthy, happy children, their husbands, and their nice new homes, and really, good for them. I hope they realize how lucky they are to have those healthy, “normal” children, but they probably don’t. Those photos all kind of blend into each other, rendering the whole thing as characterless as a group of mean teenage girls could ever be, even all grown up (hey, I have to get a petty jab in somewhere. I deserve it, and so does Alyne.)
I’ll leave you with some statistics: 1 in 40 children are diagnosed with some form of autism in the United States. 1 in 730 are diagnosed with Down Syndrome. Other forms of MR/DD include Prader-Willi Syndrome, Phenylkketonuria, Cretinism, Microcephaly, Hydrocephalus, from which 1 in 1000 suffer from some form of these. 1 in 1000 children also suffers from an MR/DD affliction that can’t be diagnosed.
Although I’m no good at math, my point with these numbers is that mental retardation is more common than you think, and every time you utter the word “retarded” you are, more likely than not, going to say it in front of someone who is going to be offended, so don’t get all pissy when they tell you to knock it off.
